Santino the Chimp

His name is Santino and he lives at the Swedish Furuvik Zoo.  Santino likes throwing things at the zoo visitors that gawk at him everyday, and his keepers do eveything they can to stop the violent behavior.  But recently, the zoo staff discovered stockpiles of ammunition (mostly rocks) all over Santino’s enclosure, as if he were preparing for battle.  The discovery has excited researchers studying animal intelligence since it suggests premeditation and forward thinking on Santino’s part, activities that require high intelligence and that are hard to prove in our animal neighbors.  But if Santino has planned this little rebellion in his cage, what could other animals we’ve angered or annoyed be planning?  If these disgruntled creatures need a leader, they might look to Santino.  The idea frightens organization like Homo Sapiens Against Animal Intelligence, which was created by its founder Jerry Bombadil in large part because of his concerns of the Planet of the Apes becoming a reality.

Read more about Santino here and here.

What do you think?  Could Santino be the face of the chimp apocalypse?

Check out our Chimp Apocalypse shirts and gear at The Loki Store.

Monkey Apocalypse Shirt by LokiMan

Santino & The Chimp Apocalypse by LokiMan

As many of you know, we’ve been covering intelligent monkey news at The Loki Times ever since we launched our website.  In fact, we kicked off our website with this post about Cyborg Monkeys.  The subject fascinates our researchers and writers, but terrifies Jerry Bombadil, founder of the extremist group Homo Sapiens Against Animal Intelligence.

HSAAI T-Shirt #2 by LokiMan

Bombadil fears a Planet of the Apes scenario more than anything.  This new data about internal monkey GPS systems has shaked him to the core.  The following is Bombadil’s response to inquiries from our news team: “Monkey GPS?!?!  That’s just great, freakin’ wonderful.  Son of a bitch!” *click*

Jerry later called back to apologize, saying “We were worried about the government being able to track our every move, but now we should worry about these monkeys.  They can find you…anywhere.”

Let us know what you think.  Monkey GPS: Impressive, or Terrifying?

Brean is home to a large tropical bird sanctuary. For several years, ufologists have speculated about the popular Bird Invasion theory, in which an alien civilization embeds nanotechnology into the bird populations of our planet.  The installed nanotech would give the alien invaders the ability to control the birds remotely.  The theory holds the belief that the birds would be used as scouts prior to a more direct invasion, and worse yet, the aliens could use the birds as weapons against mankind, not unlike the scenario in Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds.

Bird Invasion theorists believe the recent evidence of UFO activity in Brean, UK confirms their worst fears.

Ufologist Greg Dunkenheim had the following to say: “We hope we’re wrong, but this could be a launching point for the gradual nanotech infiltration of Earth’s wildlife. Besides the fact that this could place millions of spies and weapons in the hands of alien invaders, one has to consider that humans haven’t exactly treated the planet’s wildlife with a ton of respect. There is a very good reason to fear animal nanotech enhancements.”

We will be keeping an eye on this developing story, and any news of strange bird behavior.

Rats, Is There Anything They Can’t Do?  Part 3

Well, it’s finally happened.  Researchers have figured out how to create biological computers using rat brains.  We are one step closer to the creation of Rat Cyborgs.  But these breakthroughs open doors to even more frightening vistas of the future, a future in which machines CONTROLLED by rat brains CONTROL the world!  Some day mankind might fall prey to the whims of super-powered Rat lords!

We can take comfort in the fact some rats appear to be decent creatures.  Take for instance the bomb sniffing rats (read here).  But we’ve also all heard stories of plague carrying rats.  And then there was also this prophetic movie.

So where does that leave us?  Only with frightening speculations as to where rat brain powered machines and computers might lead.  What are your visions of this future?

A microscopic animal species known as Water Bears (Tardidgrades) can survive the extreme conditions of outer space, states a recent report at Scientific American.

Ecologist Ingemar Jonsson launched the tough little bastards into space on the Foton M3 mission.  During the experiments, the Water Bears lived in the vacuum of space for 10 days.  This groundbreaking study proves that there are animals who can survive space flight unprotected.  This isn’t news to the staff at The Loki Times. 

But the little Water Bears weren’t only exposed to the vacuum of space – they were also bombarded with cosmic radiation.  The possible effects ofthis radiation have not been discussed at any length, but our science advisors, like space biologist Allen Gringholm, say this should not be overlooked.

“Tardidgrades are microscopic creatures…but for how long?  Exposing these things to cosmic radiation ranks high in my book of bad ideas.  If you are familiar with the story of Bruce Banner and The Incredible Hulk, well, need I say more?  I mean look at the things.  You want to see one of them grown a million times their regular size falling out of the sky?” asks Gringholm.

Get more information on Water Bears.

Read article at Scientific American.

Stanford University’s news service reports that a group of students have built a group of artificially intelligent helicopters that can “learn” how to fly by watching other helicopters.  Andrew Ng, the professor directing the student research team, states that the maneuvers the helicopters perform are “”by far the most difficult aerobatic maneuvers flown by any computer controlled helicopter.”  The picture below shows one of the helos, that looks just about the right size for a monkey pilot.

Interest has been expressed in using this technology to create unmanned helicopters that could aid in war zones or disaster areas.

The research has shown that the helicopters can perform complex maneuvers human pilots could not, either manually or by remote.  This is troubling because these super helicopters with brains of their own could fall into the wrong hands.  And since they are the perfect size for monkey pilots, concerns are arising that they could fall into the hands of the monkey cyborgs.  This would be a formidable weapon in their super strong robotic hands.

Read the article at Stanford University’s News Service.

The report on InfoWorld.com reports that a pair of monkey cyborgs located at Duke University, NC, can now control a robot in Japan known as CBi.

A future with flying cars and hoverboard hasn’t come, but something else has – MONKEY CYBORGS.

NewScientist.com reported in May about the work being done by Andrew Schwartz and a team of scientists at the University of Pittsburgh.  They have hooked the brains of two monkeys up to robotic limbs, and the monkeys can think the robots into action.  In the article, John Kalaska, a neuroscientist at the University of Montreal, stated that “It’s impressive how naturally the animal interacts with the robot.  It’s a natural extension of their own body because they control it so easily just by thinking.”

That’s a neuroscientist, stating that robotic limbs are a natural extension of a monkey’s body.  Think about it.

The Loki Times is on top of the story.  Confidential informants have told us that the rise of an army of Cyborg Monkeys might be upon us.  They state that the scientists working on this technology might not be in as much control as the media would like us to think.

A member of Homo Sapiens Against Animal Intelligence left us this simple, disturbing quote: “Arm yourselves.”

Stay tuned to The Loki Times for further information.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOkpn0BN2HE]

Read the article at NewScientist.com