The Cow Fart Conspiracy
Filed under: Animal Intelligence, Biology, Discoveries, Homo Sapiens Against Animal Intelligence, Science
“Cows. They look so innocent, with their big eyes, and their soft moos, and their swishy tails. Don’t let them fool you.” Jerry Bombadil, founder and president of the extremist group Homo Sapiens Against Animal Intelligence, said at a press conference Monday.
“They want you to think they are helping us,” Bombadil stated emphatically. “They want you to think they are doing their domestic duty by preventing osteoporosis, and helping small children grow strong bones. But they’re not! They can’t lie to us anymore! We have found out their true purpose.”
Bombadil spoke at a press conference he quickly organized after the British Society for General Microbiology released findings that one of the leading causes of global warming was the methane gas produced in cow flatulence.
According to the EPA, an estimated 28 percent of all methane emissions related to human activity come from methane-producing bacteria in the rumens of domestic cattle, sheep and goats and other livestock known as ruminants, which eat plants that are mostly indigestible by other creatures.
“All this time, [the cows] have been planning, banding together, and farting for who knows how long,” says Bombadil. “We don’t know how long this is been going on. But, my friends, there may be hope on the horizon.”
According to a new study, fish oil could be the cow fart kryptonite. Feeding cattle a diet of 2 percent fish oil reduced the toots, due to the omega 3 fatty acids in the oil. The technique cut methane output of three cows by 21 percent, said Lorraine Lillis of the University College Dublin.
“The fish oil affects the methane-producing bacteria in the rumen part of the cow’s gut, leading to reduced emissions,” Lillis said. “Understanding which microbial species are particularly influenced by changes in diet and relating them to methane production could bring about a more targeted approach to reducing methane emissions in animals.”
Asked about the overall potential benefits fish-oil, Lillis told LiveScience she didn’t know yet what effect it might have on a larger group of cattle.
Bombadil says his organization HSAAI is in the process of planning a cookie drive to defray the costs of supplying fish oil to the cattle.
“The girlscouts have done it for years,” says Bombadil. “ We applaud them. But now a graver task is at hand.”
